Excerpt: That's Funny, Isn't It?

That's Funny, Isn't It -14-

15. INT. IMPROV STAGE
Will continues improv routine. There is a noticeable change in his composure: he seems to be falling apart, conspicuous silences and haltings. Audience is silent.

So my girlfriend keeps this snake in our bedroom. Or kept it, I should say. A big, fang-toothed diamond-spotted slithering goddamn cold-blooded serpent. In our bedroom. She thought it’d teach me responsibility. She thinks if I can take care of a goddamn snake I can take care of a kid...So, anyway one day--yes, I admit, I confess, guilty as charged—-one day I forget to close the latch on the terrarium or whateverthehell it’s called. And the snake, apparently, slithers out of the cage, slithers right out the bedroom window. So my girlfriend comes home and her beloved reptile is amiss. She looks at me and asks me if I forgot the latch on the whateverthehell it’s called.

I go over to the window, all contemplative. I act like I’m sizing up the situation, look down at the pavement three floors below. I turn to my girlfriend, scratching my head. I shrug my shoulders. I say, Well, he was looking a little depressed lately, wasn’t he? (Will tries to laugh). Lancelot, man. She named the goddamn snake Lancelot. Knight in shining armor...

Scene ends in long silence, still shot of Will standing onstage, looking defeated.

CUT TO:

16. EXT. PIER AT BEACH – DAY
Will walks along pier, holding notebook in left hand. When he gets to the end of the pier, he pauses, climbs the pier railing. He rocks forward and back.

CUT TO:

17. EXT. BEACH – LATER DAY
Chuck and Grace sit on beach, framed in the background is the pier. In the subsequent conversation, there should be lots of dead space. Neither really wants to talk, but they do so because it’d be more uncomfortable not to.

CHUCK (talking on cell phone)

I’m so glad you’ve come to see it my way, Mr. Safak. You can trust me, this is truly a win-win situation. And I don’t need to tell you that you’ve made the right decision here. Now I’ll just make the few tiny, tiny modifications to the contract, as we discussed, and I’ll bring it over first thing tomorrow morning. (pause) Right. We’ll just get your John Hancock on the thing and that will be that. Of course, there’ll be the standard commission on top. (pause) Well that’s just standard. Very Good, Rich--can I call you Rich?--First thing tomorrow. It’s a pleasure.

Chuck puts phone in pocket, turns to stare at Grace.

GRACE

I take it business is going well.

CHUCK

Always a struggle.

GRACE

Yeah, but you’re making a living for yourself. You’ve got assets and equity and shit. Stock portfolios. I mean I don’t know why you’re still living in our dump of an apartment.

CHUCK

Waste not, want not. (after a pause) So...where’d Will go?

Grace shrugs. Long silence.

CHUCK

He’s acting kind of funny lately, dontcha think? I mean, not funny funny, but funny, you know?

Grace says nothing.

CHUCK

I mean, that whole thing with the whatchacallit...scene he made at the Improv the other night. Is the manager going to let him perform anymore? Are you sure he should be alone right now?

GRACE

Christ. I’m not his mother.

Grace looks around the beach.

Wanna go in the ocean?

CHUCK

I don’t know how to swim.

GRACE

Everyone knows how to swim.

CHUCK

Not me.

GRACE

How come?

CHUCK

I guess my mom never made me take lessons.

GRACE

So if you fell in the water you’d drown?

CHUCK

I don’t know. I try not to fall in the water.

GRACE (looking at frisbee)

You know how to throw a frisbee?

Chuck doesn’t answer.

GRACE

Well, I’m going in the water.

Grace stands up.

SERIES OF SHOTS

A) Tide coming in
B) Ocean from above (as if looking down from the pier)
C) Empty pier where Will was standing
D) A couple walking along the beach
E) Tide going out

CUT TO:

18. EXT. SIDEWALK – EARLY EVENING

Will and Grace walk side by side, Chuck behind, headphones on. No one speaks.