Activity: Last 10 WeeksArranged marriage in Islam
In order to prevent premarital sex, Islam discourages young men and women from having relationships. Or at least from being alone together, which is hard to avoid in a relationship. So how are people supposed to get married? They have it arranged by their relatives.
I don’t know what to make of this tradition, which is still very much alive today. The NYT has an article on the NY scene: Tending to Muslim Hearts and Islam’s Future. On the one hand, I think it is deplorable that men and women do not gain the social skills to find their own mate. On the other hand, it seems to work–the divorce rate is much lower than in Western countries. Which camp is better off? That is more difficult to answer.
In Turkey people still enter assisted marriages. Not so much out of religious observation, but because of its residual effect of separating men and women. In the absence of a mating ritual (i.e., dating), people find themselves pressured into settling down by the time they reach an age ripe for marriage. Consequently, they are not as selective as their Western counterparts. I know couples that barely knew each other when they met. This makes a Western person think “Is that not like marrying a random person off the street?” Nevertheless, these marriages somehow work. My explanation is that these people simply try harder. In the West, people are used to fleeting relationships. Even marriages are not irrevocable. People in arranged marriages are not used to having a companion–for many it is their first and last time–so they value one more.
on March 25th, 2006 at 11:36 Quote
I was shocked to see this article, about Afghan customs, on the NYT today. The Afghan-American woman it centers on actually contacted me about auditioning for Once There Was… but it did not work out because she was busy promoting her book. Now she is on the front page! Good for her.
on April 4th, 2006 at 09:50 Quote
hi, being a female muslim myself, i don’t agree with the old ways of aranged marriage, but times are changing and now a lot of women get to pick their future husbands, in what we call a semi-arranged marriage.
on February 23rd, 2007 at 07:39 Quote
I don’t understand why do the parents do this to their children? They have chosen someone for me and I am not happy about it at all which means that I will leave him someday.
on March 10th, 2007 at 10:47 Quote
Sorry for being late to reply. You might want to separate on principle, but what if he is actually a decent person? Try to keep an open mind. Give him a chance. Not all consensual marriages are happy and arranged marriages unhappy. If you are going to leave him, do it sooner rather than later!
on July 2nd, 2008 at 10:25 Quote
Arranged marriage wil be the best in some or most cases of today if parents suspect that their child/children will have premartal sex or engage in long masurbation or will unnecessarily be punished by long time of waiting for marriage.
on October 30th, 2008 at 10:07 Quote
In Muslim Societies, this practice of arranging marriages is more than just preventing pre-marital sex, but a way for people to choose a mate for his/her daughter. These societies believe in marriage first, then given time will learn to fall in love with their spouse. There are also monetary and status issues associated with pairing up a mate. Some people marry off their pretty daughters to someone of higher reputation. By doing this, it would yield more opportunities to both involved: Not only for the married couple, but to the family of lower status. These unions are based on this multitude of factors. One would seem that this gives up a person’s right to marry who they wish to be with. For all extents and purposes, this is absolutely right. However, people who are in such a society have given in to the fact that because this is the way their traditions are met, they assimilate into it, accept it, and try to live a happy life with the person they picked for him/her to spend the rest of one’s natural-born life.